absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
