god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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