Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
