I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
