i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
