Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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