last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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