You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
