she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
God, I missed his penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
