i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
