you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
