I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
