Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
