I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
