dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
