turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
