I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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