Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
