Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
