Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
