guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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