I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
