Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
