How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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