Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
