I am spending my child support on dildos
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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