With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
