you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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