I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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