i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
