I hate all girls vehemently.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
