Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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