Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
