Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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