remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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