ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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