Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
