Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
