Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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