I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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