Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
