I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
