i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your cock deserves a montage
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
