this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
