Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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