i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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