wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i think im in europe. pls send help
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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