we're chasing vodka with high fives
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
