worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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