He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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