Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
