You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
