I puked a lego.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
