it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
