I'm going to jail i love you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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