So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
